Instructional Objectives – Quick Reference Summary

Moved to my new blog:
https://medium.com/@blackcoffee/quick-reference-summary-instructional-design-objectives-cc48cc985568#.skc9g2ppe

The hiding places of sexism

I came across an interesting article that talks about Gender Swapping on the internet. There's google plug-in called Jailbreak the patriarchy which swaps the gender words into the opposite gender and presents the content. I was so amused with this and it gave me one of those moments of – "Oh My God, I can’t believe I didn’t see that!" So I felt compelled to think a bit more about it and write.

I tried it out for myself. Here’s an excerpt from an article on Sheryl Sandberg featured in Time Magazine.

“She says she had misgivings about sharing these family fables because they make her seem bossy, a term she takes issue with. “I notice bossy is applied almost always to little girls,” says Sandberg over lunch (she ordered a Wagyu hot dog with no bun and no relish). “It’s just not used for men. 
In person, Sandberg does not give the impression that she’s bossy. She gives the impression that she was born 43, that she was delivered preloaded with the capacity and will to order people around but also the capacity and will to ensure that they thrive. Now that she is really 43, she has so perfected these skills that merely helping run a $66 billion tech company is not quite enough of a challenge.”

Here’s the swapped version:

“Sandberg tells these stories about himself early in his first book, a memoir–slash–”sort of masculinist manifesto” in which he enjoins men to pursue their careers with more rigor, to engage more energetically in the corporate cook-off, to Lean In—as the book is titled—to the opportunities and challenges of becoming a boss. He says he had misgivings about sharing these family fables because they make him seem bossy, a term he takes issue with. “I notice bossy is applied almost always to little boys,” says Sandberg over lunch (he ordered a Wagyu hot dog with no bun and no relish). “It’s just not used for women.In person he does not give the impression that he’s bossy. He gives the impression that he was born 43, that he was delivered preloaded with the capacity and will to order people around but also the capacity and will to ensure that they thrive. Now that he is really 43, he has so perfected these skills that merely helping run a $66 billion tech company is not quite enough of a challenge.”

There are a few things that struck me here. The whole concept of being a bossy / authoritative person being considered unfeminine & rather unpleasant in women. In the gender swapped piece, I’m pretty sure "Mr. Sandberg" would have said it proudly, unapologetically, feeling all the time like a hero Army General or Commander (think Robert De Niro in Men of Honour! After all we apply lots of management strategies from the army into the corporate world)! I felt weird reading it, because I kept feeling (despite knowing I was reading a toggled version) why would a man have an issue with coming across as bossy or authoritative? That’s the sort of quality they admire in men because it’s considered important to get things done (not that I agree with that, but that’s a common mindset). And then the justification, “but she’s not actually bossy, she also helps people” – in the swapped version of this, I just felt like "Oh good! This guy is a good person / leader" whereas in the female version it felt like “ Oh, bossy (ugh) but can help people get better, maybe she isn’t that bad to work with after all!” I think myself fairly progressive when it comes to feminism, and this was MY internal chatter – again another moment of, “Oh Shucks! Can’t believe that was a code in my brain!! “

It’s again one of those things so deeply embedded in our systems, the concepts of masculinity and femininity; that despite the tremendous shift in context from hunter gather days, we still associate men and women with specific characteristics and stereotype them. A bossy boy / man is sort of a given and even though he may not be liked as much, he won’t have a hard time being respected. A bossy woman is unpleasant and needs to fix herself to be liked more and gain respect. Irrespective of whether she’s caring for an infant at home or running a multi million dollar company!

I also started to think about the language we use at our workplaces. One common trend for example, is the use of the word “guys”. E-mails, conversations, taking a training session – I’ve used this word commonly to address an audience / group which included women.

How about gender swapping this?

“Hey guys!

Wanted to thank you for doing such a wonderful job. Everyone executed his / her piece perfectly! You guys make for an awesome team!”

Swapped version

“Hey girls!

Wanted to thank you for doing such a wonderful job. Everyone executed her / his piece perfectly! You girls make for an awesome team!”

Now imagine a bunch of male employees reading this e-mail from their peer or boss, how would they feel? I even asked around a couple of men, they just gave me the “are you crazy look” and said “of course we won’t feel good”. So why don’t women get offended when they are addressed as guys? I debated with my husband about it, and his take was that it’s possibly because it’s a way of women to feel equal to men after a prolonged period of not being given that place. In the army for instance, women might want to be treated as equal to men and not seen as “girls”, hence they take no offence.

That is probably valid But I think this needs to change. We need to start changing the language we speak, the language we use in our heads and the associations we make. Women have their own unique set of qualities and characteristics and that needs to be respected and given room at the workplace. That’s the true meaning of diversity. It’s not just about including women in a male oriented system and expecting them to change their personalities in order to fit that. We need to think differently about our systems as a whole, what we consider as success and what sort of people we define as role models. Either a bossy boy needs to be considered as unpleasant as a bossy girl, or they should both be equally acceptable in our internal coding of the brain.

There are very subtle details in which sexism can hide and thrive, and we need to keep looking consciously I suppose. I for one want to pay more attention to language I use, because I think that’s an easy way to watch what I’m thinking consciously and subconsciously. A couple of pointers I came up with:

• Use “her / his” with words like “everyone, everybody” rather than just “his” – this is still very common.

• When describing a successful woman, gender swap once in my head what I'm about to say / write. Would I say for example “ She’s very confident & tough in her approach and really gets things done ”. Possibly not. I wouldn’t feel the need to emphasize that about a man because that seems like the norm or a given in some sense for successful men in our culture– confident, tough, ability to get things done. I would probably focus on qualities like “strategic, innovative, long term thinker” to give real praise!! Why should be any different for a woman?

• Take offense if someone addresses a group I am in as “guys” :-)

Small Comforts, Big Hearts: An Afternoon with the Maher Kids

Yesterday, 2 of my colleagues (Nikita & Dhaval) and some our friends visited the Maher center . The idea was to get together with the kids and play some games with them. The kids who are currently at the center are the ones who have no relatives whatsoever and hence are the only ones are who left behind at the center during the summer vacation. Some of the kids have distant relatives or short term adoptive families who take them away for a few days of vacation.

We were all greeted by the traditional Maher welcome song, with the kids all bunched up, singing in their clumsy yet extremely endearing way, running up to hug us every few seconds. Some of them would refuse to let go, they’d just hold on, cling to you, look up at your face with those big innocent eyes, which had nothing but joy and a touch of mischief in them! While the sentimental ones among us were fighting back their tears, the kids dragged us towards the other compound in their excitement so we could begin our games.

Nikita was leading the effort, so she and her friends began with games that I had played a as a child, in the days when it was cool and fun to go out in the backyard and play loud, jumpy games with your friends rather than a videogame in an air conditioned room. (Yea I sound like an old hag reminiscing about the “good old days” but it’s true).

 Being with the kids was as always, a reminder of my own privilege for me, and the realities I so often forget about the world we live in. It was amazing to see how much fun the kids could have by just being together; no fancy equipment, no jazzy toys. Just an old, bare compound which came alive with the laughter and cheering of kids playing with a ball and a bunch of small rocks! I couldn’t help but think, here I am, with all my worries and disappointments, feeling sorry for the things the media or the powerful people tell me I ought to have (power, personality, beauty, respect etc etc) , but with everything a person could ask for for the sake of a comfortable life. And I juxtaposed myself against these kids, who had nothing but a community home, 3 basic meals a day and the bare necessities to get by in life. And I realized that they had so much more of the stuff that really mattered.

They had gratitude. For a bunch of strangers who they may never even see again, but they overflowed with joy and made us feel like celebrities. They clung to us, kissed our cheeks, wanted to be held & hugged, wanted to pose with us for pictures, joked around with us as if we had been friends for years and would continue to be. They were as excited and happy to be with us as we might be to see Al Pacino (well you can sneer all you want, I LIKE him :P , he’s awesome, you can pick your own).

They had the capacity to laugh. Endlessly, joyfully, ever so readily. They didn’t care if you cracked a smart & witty joke, they didn’t weigh whether the humour of what was happening or being said was worth their laughter & smiles. They laughed just because we were there with them, and a part of the fun. I don’t remember the last time I could do that, just laugh & express joy because someone was kind to me and cared enough to be around. Just for a couple of hours.

They had faith. They trusted life. Life has been far more unfair to these kids than to me or most people I know. Some of them have witnessed horrors that no child ought ever to see, their mothers being burnt, their fathers being killed, themselves being beaten and abused, being left to starve and die. And yet, each one of the kids had the energy of all 8 of us adults put together. They wanted to sing and dance, show off their talents, or just jump around and be silly! They showed no trace of fear in their voice or their eyes, all one could see was buckets full of life poured into each one of them, barely contained. They knew there was going to be a tomorrow, they knew theey were going to laugh and be happy, just as they were now.

They had more of all this than I have had in such a long time: gratitude, faith, courage, joy.

Despite the searing heat, it was a great few hours that we spent with them, and they looked forward to seeing us again. On the way back, as all of us were chatting about just how awe inspiring the kids were, the thought running through my head was this – those of us to take the time to serve others might think that we are doing them a favor by serving them, that somehow it makes us better than others, a good moral example of what we ought to be. But the truth is, those we serve are actually the ones who are serving us, they open our eyes to a bigger reality, they teach us that there is no connection between heartfelt joy and the possessions / comforts one has, they show us how much more we are yet to learn about ourselves and about life and they make us see our own potential for courage and joy. So, it’s us who ought to be grateful, for everything we get to feel and see through them. And so I shall remain, ever grateful to these great little kids!